How to Educate the Child in . . . Honesty
Honesty is a prime quality, indispensable for the child: illuminating his conscience, it permits him to progress; it gives him the right to confidence in his parents, in those around him. Its multi-faceted enemy is dishonesty…Parents have the difficult mission to combat this defect.
The lies of children…How do we teach the child to speak the truth!
“Educate them to love what is true,” says Pope Pius XII. Upon the knees of his mother, the child ought to breathe this love of truth and learn respect, admiration, and the tenderness that an upright and sincere heart merits. Jesus Himself praised Nathanael: “A true Israelite in whom there was nothing false” (Jn. 14:6). It is necessary also to give children the horror of every type of lie which offends God by recounting to them the maledictions addressed by Jesus to the hypocritical Pharisees (Mt. 23:7), the terrible chastisement incurred by Ananias and Saphira. Let us tell them that liars lose the confidence of others, that they cause great harm and develop many vices: “Young liar, old robber!” May they sense that dishonesty is a real shame for us, a degradation. These good principles, often recalled to mind, will arm them against temptation.
“Be yourselves respectful of the truth and push aside everything which is not authentic and true from education” (Pius XII). Our strength is in the example of a careful loyalty! Alas, sometimes certain parents relativize their responsibility on this point. False excuses, arranged reports, promises or threats without following through, unbelievable stories…The little eyes fixed on them become cunning and wily… dissimulated and liars! Let us always be true and upright, without hesitation or inconstancy. Daily life gives us a thousand occasions to show our children the courage of the truth, whatever it costs. Example is formative…
Let us not let a lie pass unnoticed, by lack of time, without intervening. Let us seek first its cause. The badly brought up child uses this convenient “umbrella” out of fear, in order to escape reproach and inevitable storms. In this case, let us replace these brutally imposed lessons by a discipline based on confidence, and let us call upon the intelligence and the good will of the child. It is with this heart to heart contact, near to his mother, that the child learns rules, interiorizes them and habituates himself to open up, to communicate his impressions, and see his faults. Let us also avoid reprimanding too frequently… These constraints, that become heavy, could lead them to habitually use ruses or dissimulations.
The child also lies by pride, self-love, or vanity. Not wanting to be considered guilty, he hides his misdeeds or searches to find value in them… by a lie. A punishment risks then hardening him in his native pride. It is better to lead him to enter into himself through calm, well-directed questions; thus, obtaining an avowal and rectifying in him what is false and exaggerated. Let us seize these occasions in order to ground our children in a profound humility, a simple recognition of our qualities and our miseries. An excellent means of developing this honesty is the examination of conscience together as a family in the evenings. The loyalty of the little ones makes an impression for the elder siblings. Under your guidance, games are also an exercise of loyalty.
The child also lies through egoism, in order to satisfy his passions: laziness, jealously, vengeance, theft…The child must know that each time he will be severely punished, as the more serious fault, much more than laziness, is to lie, the act of deceiving those whom we love. This sin can pass to a habitual state if it is not severely reprimanded and it hides even other sins! If a lie is evident, let us punish it firmly without an afterthought and let us show our pain. In uncertainty, let us place the child before their conscience and before God, Whom we cannot deceive. Let us call upon their courage, courage to accept the consequences of their acts, the eventual punishments. In order to avoid a repetition of tricks, to obtain a costly truth, let us not hesitate to soften, or even eliminate a punishment if the child confesses their fault immediately. “A fault recognized is already pardoned,” says the proverb. Washington had in his childhood cut down a cherry tree; his father, terribly irritated, looked for the culprit of the damage. Washington replied with simplicity, “Father, I cannot tell a lie, it was I who did it.”
“Your honesty,” replied his father, profoundly touched, “is worth more than a hundred cherry trees.” He then embraced him and remitted all punishment.